I can't believe it's been three weeks that my Dad has been in the hospital! WHERE has time gone? It's been a rough time, it's gone by quick - but he's slowly improving.
Since my last posting, we've learned that Dad has Non Hodgkins Lymphoma -- he's already gone through his first treatment of chemo. He's been moved out of the ICU and he's off all meds at this point. He's also off the ventilator! FINALLY! Physically he's made great strides - he looks amazing.
Mentally, he's a different story. He doesn't recognize his family yet, we've all been in and reminded him of who we are...but it's not coming together in his head. It's quite a scary thing, although apparently it's very normal for someone who's been isolated in the hospital for so long. His state of mind is known as hospital (or ICU) psychosis.
Honestly, it broke my heart when I gave him my love after seeing him in such good condition and he just stared at me...the feeling might have been the worst I've felt throughout all this! How could he not know me?? He walked me down the aisle on my wedding day, and just two years ago Ben and I gave him his first grand-daughter!! I've spent so much time in the hospital by his side and this is how he thanks me?? I was angry! How could this be real?
It felt like a bad dream...and that night I couldn't sleep - all I saw was his innocent, helpless face - and I thought the next day, how does this feel for HIM? I was being selfish, wanting my Dad to snap out of it and angry that he didn't know his family...imagine the bad dreams HE is having. So as hard as all this is for us, for me -- I know it's SOOO much harder on him. He needs us to be there, he needs time and our love to get better and soon he'll be home.
I'll be heading back up in a few days - I've taken a little step back to regroup and rest. Being 7 months pregnant and chasing after an almost 2 year old is work enough!! But I love it! I wouldn't have it any other way :) If I didn't have Madelyn, this GROWING belly and my husband - I don't know how I'd be feeling!!!
3 comments:
You hang in there and know that everything you're feeling is normal. From the anger and sadness to the hope and joy in the little things. He's going to get better, his memory will return, and you will have such a stronger appreciation for life. Love you!!!
Hey Melissa,
Just know that I am praying for your Dad. "God will not put more on you than you can handle." Your father is a strong guy and with prayers and faith in God,he will battle through this difficult time. This experience will bring your family closer together.
Sharnese
Glad to hear that your Dad's doing better this week. We are always thinking about him and you guys. I know it must be hard on you trying to give your ever-growing family the attention that they need and concentrate on your Dad at the same time. Speaking of the new one...you need to put up some pics of your belly! We never get to see you guys, so it's hard for me to imagine that you're 7 1/2 months (is that right???) pregnant!
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